The envy jealousy and rejection pain


Why people don’t get a life and let me live peacefully and let me enjoy my succes in life?

Definition and forms of envy

Envy is an emotion that "occurs when a person lacks another’s superior quality, achievement, or possession and desires it." They also feel that it is not possible (or not easy) for them to have what they want. Otherwise they would simply go get what the other person had, and they would be satisfied.

At the core of envy seems to be an upward social comparison that threatens a person's self-esteem: another person has something that the envier considers to be important to have. A comparison is often rooted in the envier feeling low self-confidence, and they feel that they need to be or have the same things as others. If they don't have it, or they can't have it, they feel envy. This can be seen with money, power struggles and appearantly also with the number of blessing receivers you attract.

Three forms of envy:

Jealousy — form of envy that guards what one already has

Malice — form of envy that truly wishes ill for others and delights in observing and contributing to other’s pain

Contempt — heaps scorn on others virtures or abilities.

Envy in Oneness Haarlem

Since June 2007 I organize Oneness Blessing sessions in Bloemendaal area. Two years before the sessions were organized around my Kabala geometry workshops. As such I have built a strong database with interested people for over 10 years. On top I have been creating web sites and newsletters with interesting topics. As a result an average of 5 to 12 participants show up.

In Haarlem another group of Blessing Givers is active for about 3 years. This group growed over the years to about 10 blessing givers. One of them was interested to help me with giving also blessings at my place. We worked together although he was not interested in leading a session. I have tried to push him a few times and dropped the subject after a while. From time to time he advertised his group of Haarlem to participates at my place. I noticed but did not interfere.

Two other blessing givers of this group also asked me to join, however I told them to delay this until I had a bigger space and the double number of participants in one session. I wanted to keep the number of blessing givers and blessing receivers in line. And the room was full with 10 to 15 receivers and 2 Blessing Givers.

I happened to have old information from Oneness University from 2005, when I did my Level I. At that time they instructed not to give to many Deeksha's to one person in one session. Later on they have changed this instruction to make sure to give blessings with 1,3,5 or 7 givers. If receivers did not wanted more blessings they could simply put something on their legs as a sign. From participants who also visited the Haarlem group I was informed the number of blessing givers was most of the time larger then the number of receivers. From these perspectives I was not in favor of expanding the number of Blessing Givers although I worked together with a few over the years from time to time.

Envy of an Oneness Blessing giver

Now after months of working together I have to admit his attentions for giving blessings were ok but a deep rooted problem was driving him. He has put bad rumors into the air about me in the Haarlem Oneness group. This information came to me by two sources during the first week of January 2010. What was this gossip all about?

  • what I do is not ok
  • I am arrogant
  • I want to do everything on my own
  • I do to much healing
  • I think I can feel everything
  • I do everything every time the same way
  • When I first heard these remarks I was flabbergasted. I could simply not belief these words. After working together so many sessions, offering him coffee while he was working in the neighborhood and then talking behind my back. And in addition creating a network to gain confirmation on these lies.


    I started to recognize and remember remarks or offensiveness towards me in discussions of Haarlem Oneness group members who did not knew me at all during 2009. In addition participants of Haarlem Oneness were present during provincial and country meditation sessions which I lead from time to time but refused to participate actively. Some part of me wanted to ignore this behavior but internally I was in deep pain. By scanning life events in 2009 I knew it was really true. I had to face these facts about envy in my life. Why do people do this to me?

    Envy of best friend of Linda towards me

    In addition my partner Linda her best also had become a Blessing Giver and joined the Haarlem Oneness Group. In the first half of 2009 he had visited about 5 tot 10 times my sessions on Sunday morning. The blessing giver who helped me and Linda her best friend had talked negatively together about me, about our relationship and also about private matters. Linda was furious with him on this matter. Although it was a very good friend and being in contact at least twice a week, they have not contacted each other for over one month.

    Linda her friend has been extremely jealous towards me for years. In other words two jealous persons joining forces. I have created a web site for Linda her best friend by which he attracks new Yoga students. I never received a warm feeling of gratitude from him. The contrary: critics on layout, colors, pictures and so on. And talking behind my back. Now I understand why. A deep voice inside told me to keep his website into the air to demonstrate love to the charge inside of me. If I would do the external action of removing his site, I would not have gone so deep into my own pain.

    Envy as a pattern in my life at work

    For years I believed at work I had to move on to get a new challenge at a new employer. However everytime I had to start from zero in respect with gaining new customers. But actually I was rather quickly demotivated at a certain moment in time. It was a pattern which made me leave the companies I worked with in my carreer. But only at this stage this pattern became crystal clear : every time people around me started to become jealous about the success I had. Envy persons started to talk negatively about me and influencing decision makers inside companies I was working with.

    While writing this page I suddenly understood what had caused me a lot of pain throughout my carreer. I should have won a deal of 4 million Euros while working with Hewlett-Pakard. It would have ment the breakthrough for HP in entering the retail banking segment with their Unix computers. I was the first account manager focussing on the retail banking market at that time.

    The customer a very known bank should have choosen us. I found out - by grace! - we had software running on our Unix line, which the bank also used on their mainframe. It implied they could use all their software investments and move them to the new platform. When introducing this new selling point we already had beaten the current suppliers IBM and NCR. Only Digital - also a current supplier - and HP - a complete new supplier - were the two remaining ones on the shortlist.

    I assumed we had the deal in our pocket, because I knew Digital had this repository software not available on their Unix line. When we received the news they had choosen Digital I could not belief my ears. Then I learned after a few days the Digital account manager and Digital sales manager were fired. They had written in their official proposal Digital had the software available on their Unix line, which was not true. The cost for porting the software to their unix line was around 600.000 Euros.

    These sales people could not stand my succes and started to copy my sales tactics out of envy. A very common tactic : jealous people first give critics towards you, but in the end they want to become like you and start copying you. In this case Digital paid these costs and fired the 2 employees. However it did not help me. I could not prove by this instance I was a succesfull new business account manager. You need to close the deal for this. Now I can let go of this pain, which resided in me for over 15 years. I finally realize emotionally exactly what had happened.

    How to stop or better solve this envy matter?

    The jealousy had turned into strong envy all the time. The persons started to believe in their own lies and created a network around them to confirm their lies. A defense was impossible. The next step was finding a new employer or creating a new Oneness Haarlem/Bloemendaal Group. I felt very tired of this situation and strong pattern in my life. I could not stand it anymore and desperately was looking for guidance for more specific embracing techniques.

    During one meditation I asked divine support and was guided in the following way. I put all the envy persons of my life in front of me in the room. Actually more and more persons I started to remember. I merged them from both sides into one person in front of me. Then this person stepped into my energy and physical body. It created a complete acceptation of the situation and it appeared the problem was solved straight away. But a signal appeared to move into my heart chakra in search for a contracted spot. This spot was expanded for about 1 meter up to 50 meters. I invited the giants Amma and bhagavan in this field and asked for help. The energies mixed and merged into one.

    While holding this experience for a while I heard a voice in English out of no where : "Look for the cause into next generation". Straight away I realized my father had not seen his brother and sisters (except for his oldest sister) during the last 24 years of his life after his parents died - when I was at the age of 4 years old! The problem: envy about material things when his parents died. These material fights represent the pain of the death of my grand parents. All brothers and sisters wanted to stay in close contact with them through the material things they wanted to hold for the rest of their lives and they were fighting about.

    How to solve the anger towards my sister or better the anger of my father to his sisters?

    A few days later the anger towards my sister was still not gone. I drove on the highway 45 minutes from my home where she lived, but did not wanted to drop by. What was going on? I still felt this pain. Then suddenly I realized my father had not seen two of his sisters for 24 years and while driving I started to cry for him. It is very weard to experience you cry for your father for this insight. But the charge was huge. In Level 2 in India I realized I had many thoughts in my conciouseness of my father in relationship towards me. This time I realized charge was inside of me related to his pain while I was very young. I must have felt sorry with him as a child and probably have opened my heart towards him. YOU ARE THE PAST as Bhagavan states many times. You do not life your own life. You life the life of your parents and ancestors. It is true. It is really true. I have experienced it from deep inside my body cells.

    Conclusion and Dedication

    Earlier I had not recognized this envy pattern so clearly in my life. I had not seen it stopped me from having and or enjoying success in life.

    Linda's best friend and the Oneness Blesser who assited me: many thanks for being part of my life and giving me very painful signals to look deeper into my life. The envy charge of my father his pain residing inside my consciousness attracted not only your envy behavior but of many persons in my life.

    Now I know where the resistance of visiting Oneness Haarlem came from. This deeply hidden charge made me reluctant to visit Oneness Haarlem like my father never had seen his own brothers and sisters after envy. They had also talked negatively about my father and his oldest sister and he could not face them anymore, because of the pain in his heart. A lot of gossip within the family. This charge inside of me was reflected in our Oneness family gossip. I could not go and join my Oneness Blessing giver friends 4 kilometers away. It felt as a huge disstance. I was simply blocked, because of this family charge within my fathers family.

    And once again another huge very huge leak closed!

    The next page is refering to the experiences of embracing more envy pain during 2010

    In one heart of Joy and Gratitude




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